babylust

tick-tock-tick-tock

The countdown has officially begun. It's looking like Bumble will be here in about 7 weeks. Wow.

We had a good appointment yesterday afternoon. We were expecting to see Dr. Love for our ultrasound, but he was off for the day, so we saw the other perinatologist instead. I really, really liked her - she was extremely thorough and talked us through each of the ultrasound images. While I know that both doctors are equally knowledgeable and capable, the doctor we saw yesterday was more verbal about her observations, and I really appreciated that.

So, here's the report:

My placenta hasn't moved much (if at all) since the last appointment two weeks ago. It's still completely covering my cervix and has actually attached itself down into the cervix some. The doctor is fairly certain (like 99.9%) that we're looking at a c-section. They also checked my cervix again, and it is actually .1 cm longer than it was two weeks ago. We'll proceed with ultrasounds every two weeks to monitor things. At our next appointment, they'll check my cervix, the baby's fluid, and my placenta. At the following appointment, they'll do additional measurements on little Bumble. The doctor explained that because of the risk of hemorrhage, they really want to avoid me going into labor or dilating at all. She thought that the best course of action would be to do an amnio at 36 weeks to check on Bumble's lung development. Because of the (slight) risk of starting labor or rupturing my bag of waters, we would stay overnight at the hospital following the procedure. If the test shows that Bumble's lungs are developed, they'll do the c-section the next day. If not, they'll wait until 37 weeks and do the c-section then.

Bumble is looking good. Her head is down by my right hip and I've been feeling lots of kicks in my ribs and pokes on my bladder and hips. I find it a bit funny that they were originally concerned about her being underweight, considering that Bumble weighs about 3 lbs, 5oz right now, putting her in the 75th - 80th percentile for weight for babies of her gestational age. I laughed out loud last night when my pregnancy ticker informed me that the baby has passed the 2 lb mark. All measurements showed that she's about a week ahead and her legs look to be long - which shouldn't be a surprise since her papa is 6'4".

So, for the most part, I'm feeling really good about things. A bit more frantic to get everything done, but also more at peace feeling like I know how we're going to proceed and that I can begin to make a plan to ensure that I have as much control over the birthing process as possible.

After waking up at 5:30 am this morning and not being able to fall asleep (thanks, puppy), I watched The Business of Being Born and sobbed just about through the whole thing. It really brought up a lot of emotion for me around what I always thought my birth would be like versus how things are turning out. I'm feeling too muddled to write about it now, but I know I'll be doing some serious journaling later.

Seven weeks, people. Seven weeks.

into the third trimester

Well, hello there.

I know, I know...it's been quiet around here. Thankfully, my husband is a much better blogger than me, and he's already posted an update.

Part of my quietness is due to the shock and grief I've been feeling over the losses Mary Ellen and Steve recently experienced. I really haven't had it in me to post. My heart aches for them and for their three little girls. I think of them daily and send love and light and hopes for peace in their direction.

And here I am, in the third trimester of my own pregnancy, finally starting to believe that this might really happen for us. I'm nearly 29 weeks now, and I feel Bumble (or TES - her "official" initials) nearly all of the time. I've started trying to actually imagine myself as a mother instead of just worrying about our endless list of tasks and to-do's that we hope to accomplish before she makes her entrance.

And...her entrance could be as soon as 8 weeks away (see below). Unbelievable.

We are now on a twice monthly ultrasound schedule. My last ultrasound was on Feb 15. Since neither John nor my mom could go with me to the appointment, John's mom agreed to accompany me. She was a real trooper when they unexpectedly whipped out the vag-cam to check on my cervix. Apparently, that needs to be monitored now too. If I recall correctly, my cervix shortened about .3 cm in two weeks, which seems like a lot. It still seems to be in normal range though, so Dr. Love didn't place me on an additional activity restriction (thank goodness!). My placenta seems to have migrated back over my cervix, so a c-section birth is looking even more likely. With the placenta previa, they want to make sure I do not start to dialate or go into labor on my own, which means we could be delivering as early as 37 weeks. So, we go back again on Thursday to see Dr. Love once again - we'll check on my placenta and cervix - and we'll find out how much little Bumble weighs at 29 weeks.

At my last appointment, I took (and passed) the glucose test and was checked for anemia. The results showed that I'm pretty severely anemic. This probably explains the severe fatigue I've been experiencing for the past week or so, along with the heart palpitations and dizziness. Fatigue doesn't even really seem to come close to describing what it has felt like though. I am MUCH more tired than I ever was during the 1st trimester, and when it hits me, I need to sleep that very second, so watch out. For the past week, I feel like I've been asleep more than I've been awake, including last night where I rested for 12 1/2 hours!  So, I've started on supplements, and I do seem to be feeling a bit better, as long as I don't overdo it.

My crazy muscle issues seem to be getting much worse since arriving in the third trimester, so I'm looking into a referral to a neuromuscular specialist to confirm my diagnosis and to see if there is anything I can do to help. The stiffness used to be most pronounced in my legs, but lately, it feels just as prominent in my torso, neck, arms, hands, and feet. It's making it pretty tough to do much, including working on jewelry, which I have completely stopped for now.

But enough about that.

There have been big changes happening in the Sarvay household. John and I are are finally trying to tackle a zillion projects we've been meaning to do for the past couple of years. Our house is looking pretty different these days, at least to me. We've moved out a ton of furniture, installed ceiling fans in our bedroom and the nursery, updated towel racks in my bathroom, totally reorganized my studio, and put together a nursery. (Please note that when I say "we," I really mean John or the guy we've hired to help us with the things we're smart enough to not do ourselves. I really can't take credit for much besides the organizing and scheduling). If you'd like to check out the changes, you can look at my flickr page. I haven't put the most recent photos up, but I'm hoping to do that today. And, I chopped off all of my hair (but there aren't any real updated pictures of that on the flickr page). Be warned - there are pictures of my ginormous belly living there too.

It's a good thing my energy seems to be coming back, because our dear friend Angie sent us home with our entire jeep loaded with baby clothes and gear. I'm going to need some serious stamina to sort through everything. Throughout this pregnancy, I have been completely amazed and overwhelmed by the generosity of friends and family - maternity clothes and gifts and items saved from their own children - not to mention the continuing love, support, and hope that have helped to get us through the most stressful of times. My heart is filled with love and gratitude, and I really can't thank you enough.

Well, this post has taken me long enough to type that, in spite of my 12+ hours of sleep last night, I'm feeling the need for a nap...

on edge

The past couple of weeks or so have been pretty rough.

I've been struggling with generalized anxiety that I can't really pin down to anything specific. I'm feeling anxious about pretty much everything - Bumble, my seemingly endless to-do list, our new bedspread - you name it, and I'll find something to worry about. Every possible scenario of things that could go wrong has run through my head. As best I can figure out, it started just before the baby was technically "viable" and has continued, although it has gotten a bit better in the past few days. Another possible trigger is that we have actually started to buy things for the Bumble - her crib and a rocker for the room. It is both quite exciting and terrifying to start thinking about bringing this tiny baby girl home with us.

To make matters worse, last Wednesday night, I started having really bad cramping which moved into contractions that were measuring about 7-9 minutes apart. I called the doctor on call and it took her TWO HOURS to call me back. By then, the cramping had pretty much subsided, but she told us what to watch for, what to do if they continued, and a few things to try that may help.

So, needless to say, that episode didn't really help with the anxiety. And then John started feeling it too. The two of us were pretty much a mess until our appointment with Dr. Love on Friday afternoon. We had an ultrasound and then regular appointment with our OB. The good news is that Bumble looks great, is measuring right on track, and seems to be growing and gaining weight as expected. It doesn't look like I've had any new bleeds and my placenta has moved off to the side a bit, leaving me with partial placentia previa - an improvement from the complete previa we saw at our last ultrasound.

Dr. Love was concerned about the cramping episode, and he thinks that my uterus may be irritable from the previous bleeding. He advised me to take it easy and to stay off my feet as much as possible. So, we'll give that a try and see if it helps things. We go back in two weeks for another ultrasound to make sure that the cramping isn't causing my cervix to shorten or to start to funnel.

At this point, it's still unclear whether or not I'll need a c-section. It's a little frustrating to not know for sure, but for now, I'm just going to plan for a vaginal birth and hope for the best. Our OB said that by 32 weeks, they should have a pretty good idea as to which way Bumble will enter the world.

So, overall, Friday's good report has eased my nerves some. I've been thinking a lot about what I can do to reduce stress and focus on the miracle of the little life growing inside of me. I've closed down my little etsy shop for now - and maybe until after little Bumble is here. I'm trying to chisel down the to-do list to what is really important and to break that list down into even smaller, more manageable bits.

Although when I feel all spun up, it goes against every fiber of my being to slow down and sit with my muddled emotions, I really want to make a more conscious effort to slow down and find some quiet time for reflection each day. I haven't done nearly enough of this during my pregnancy. Part of it has simply been out of self-preservation.  I've been concerned that if I really stop to process everything happening inside my body, I'll be swallowed by fear and anxiety - terrified that we'll lose this baby too.

But now it feels like it's time to center my heart around possibilities instead of fears. It seems like the right time to reclaim hope. It feels right to begin to prepare myself for the arrival of our daughter.