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January 27, 2007



Nikole - I am so so sorry to hear about the loss of your step-brother. There are no words. I am just so sorry.

I am happy ot have an update to how you are. Good luck with the work your have been doing. I hope that it helps you to heal after everything you have already been through.

Meg xx


Putting one foot in front of another is all most of us can do through this horrible zone of infertility. I'm so sorry to hear about the last few months, your step-brother's death and Lucas's due date. A very tough time. Thank you for letting us know how you are, we missed you.


Dear Nikole, it's so good to hear from you and to know how you are doing. I am so sorry that the past few months have brought you such terrible pain. It's so very sad about your stepbrother. The loss of a young family member shakes the soul, the family, and, it seems, the universe, to the core. I wish you so much continued strength to deal with that.

I am so sorry, also, about Lukas's due date. That must have been unspeakably hard.

Your process of rediscovering yourself and the way forward sounds just right for you. May it bring you lots of healing and joy. And may this year have some lovely developments in store for you, and soon.


Nikole I'm glad to hear from you, though I am terribly sorry for your most recent loss. I hope that 2007 brings you peace, and hopefully a healthy pregnancy!


Good to see your words and self back here and to feel that resilience through all you've gone through in past months. This is a wonderful strength you're building up; I'm sorry it's come to you through so much trouble. I'm excited to follow you through the next months and see in what amazing ways the world opens up to you, both unexpectedly and rightly.


I am so sorry. You have incredible strength.


I am so sorry to hear about your step-brother. Sudden deaths are so hard to wrap your brain around. Praying for you and your family!


I am so sorry to hear about your stepbrother. Nikole, you have been through so much in a short period of time. I am glad you are getting some personal time and finding moments of peace.

I wish you the best in everything you do!


You continue to amaze me. You have been in my thoughts a lot lately. I am very sorry for the many losses and reminders of them. I am with you, moving forward with one step in front of the other is all we can do. It is the road to finding peace.


Wow, Nikole! Just wow! I don't even know what to say. First of all, I about leaped out of my chair when I saw that you blogged again! Second, I'm so SO sorry to hear about Garrett! Third, I'm so sorry to hear about this cycle :-(. It's an understatement to say you've been through a lot these past few months. But at the same time, you sound so strong. You never cease to amaze me!!


I am so sorry for the loss of your step Brother. It is good to see you back, sorry that your latest cycle did not work. Take care


Oh Nikole - what a hard time to come through. I am so sorry. The jewellery (UK spelling!) sounds like a good therapy for you - something creative and tangible.
Things will get better - the peace and lightness you speak of sound very positive.
Vivien x


Hi Nikole,

I am so happy you posted, I've been checking on you frequently.

And although I expressed this over e-mail, I want to say again how so sorry I am for your losses. I cannot imagine the hurt and grief over losing your step-brother, nor can I understand what it must feel like to re-live the pain of Lucas's due date.

You have been through much. I am happy to hear, though, that you're taking care of yourself. Your plan of introspection, journaling, meditating and jewelry making sounds amazing, and I applaud you for being brave and taking these steps.

Let's have that phone chat sometime soon!



welcome back.
i can't believe that the universe took a life so early. How terribly sad. Your poor step-father and garrett's wife.
I've been thinking of you and hoping you were ok. Glad ot hear that you are doing something else. It never seemed like you liked your job.
Good luck at getting and staying PG. (good luck to us all, eh?)



I've somehow stumbled upon your blog through links and links of infertility stories. Thank you for being so raw and transparent with your journey. It reminds me how much I can heal by being honest about my struggles and how much it heals others. Thank you.

And I'm so sorry to hear about your step-brother. :-(



Nikole, I've been a longtime reader of your blog but this is the first time I've left a comment. I just wanted you to know how sorry I am for all the losses you've experienced, and I wanted to thank you for your courageous generosity in sharing your life and your experiences with all of "us". I am taking my first steps into the world of infertility treatments and reading your words gives me strength to be brave, even in the face of being scared to death.

I will keep on reading and keep on hoping for all the best for you and your family.


Hi there Nikole

I just found your blog and still need to catch up on your archives, but I'm so so sorry about the loss of your step-brother. I'm also sorry that you didn't get to hold your little boy on the 9th January. I hope you get to soon. You've been through alot and I'm so sorry.

I'll keep reading...


I'm so sorry about your step-brother. My brother died in an accident 13 years ago and I still miss him a lot. Also very sorry about the due date anniversary- those are always hard to handle.


Nikole - it's good to get an update from you. Please know I am so terribly sorry for the loss your family has experienced. It's just so unfair. I really hope 2007 brings you continued lightness and peace, and of course new life. I'm glad you are keeping yourself occupied with creative projects and you are staying positive. I hope you receive really great news soon.

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