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August 03, 2006



Hi Sweety,

so many things have been going on in your life while I was gone....I needed to catch up and it took me a while.

What a beatiful name you picked for your son. Lukas. I am still so sorry that you had to go through all of this. So sorry, that you were hit with the Trisomy 21 sentence, but glad that you found out afterwards. There is a logical explaination at least to why the pregnancy ended. It is heartbreaking but at the same time wonderful to read that this doesn't make the love for your unborn baby shrink. Often one wonders how one would react if one got the news that the baby one carries is not "100% healthy or normal" and I am sure that you have gotten a bit wiser to that question.

You are such a strong woman! Really.

I too tend to write about "I" all the time, but most things of course have been or will be discussed/decided by both of us, Jonatan and me. Ok, now on to some trivial stuff. Both you and John and us share the N&J abbreviations. Almost cool, right :D

Take good care of yourself!




It is a horrible thing to have to think about terminating a pregnancy that you worked so hard to achieve. I hope you never have to make a decision like that!



It's perfectly OK to say "I." My DH says we need to come to terms/peace with a decision ourselves first and then as a couple, of course while talking about it together. That looks strange, but I hope you know what I mean.
Looking forward to seeing you this weekend!


That is a lot of extra 'stuff' to have to deal with. I hope all works out for you in the end.

Take care


You have so much to think about right now. You have every right to say "I" as well as "we."


{{hugs}} I'm sorry you are going through all of this. That isn't an easy possibility to have to deal with.


Hi Nikole! It's a lot to process and it's scary. But you're such a strong person, and you and John are so great at supporting each other, that no matter what happens, you'll be able to handle it. Still, I hope everything goes well and easily for you this time around. We're all rooting for #5 to be the charm!


I agree with skm-it's ok to use "I." You still have to make a decision for you. The next decision is what you guys make together.

I'm sorry that you have to write "pregnancy #5" no one should have to do that.

You just have to know that one day-you and John will have a baby. You'll raise a child together. Of course it won't make all this strife and emotional toil "worth it" but it will make continuing this journey despite the toil "worth it."

I'm glad you've found some measure of solace.
(and thanks for such an interesting post)


When I was pg at 35, my doctor did the AFP test and a test for cystic fibrosis. I also had a level 2 u/s. We got the result from the blood test before the u/s and the report was good. So after the u/s and blood test they were confident that she did not have any abnormalities. I was prepared for the amnio if they suggested it. In California the state pays for the amnio if the AFP test comes back abnormal. That did not play a factor in my case, if the doctor would have suggested it I would of did it. Just keep gathering info to calm your fears.

Womb in waiting

Hi Nikole, I wish you (or we) didn't have to deal with all this. The beautiful dream & fantasy or becoming a mother becomes a hard, clinical & traumatic exercise with things like risks & miscarriage to consider & experience...i wish for you the next pregnancy is a sure thing up & till you birth, i really do.

As for the 'i' - no need for the explanation or note - of course all we are experiencing & facing is together with our partners / husbands but on another level it is first as individuals we experience these things & our experiences as women I think our deserving of every now & then being claimed as 'i' - its not excluding of our beloved partners but it is fundamentally occuring to our bodies.
Thinking of you xx


Dear Nikole, I have nothing to add. I just wanted to say I'm thinking of you, and wishing you didn't have to face all these questions and worries.


I wish this were easier for you and that you never had to face these difficult decisions. thankfully the ultrascreen and quad screen are available as a first screen and noninvasive.

are you going to try clomid again?


Oh my god. I am so sorry for what you've been through. You seem like a wonderful spirit. Please hang in there!


Hi Nikole,
Your ob or peri can do a nuchal fold test at around 13 weeks (maybe earlier...I can't remember) to see if there is a marker for downs. It's just something they look at on an ultrasound. This is what we did, and because the test was okay we did not do CVS or an amnio. I'm not sure if you knew about this or not, but I thought if you didn't it might put your mind at ease (as much as it could be at ease). You can get a sense of the risk before going through cvs or the amnio.

I hope you're hanging in there.


I'm glad to hear you're starting to think about trying again. But there's so much more to think about this time, isn't there? Just take it one step at a time, sweetie. You'll make it through, I know you will.

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