Today, it has been 34 days since my D&C. This post is one that I've been thinking about writing for a long time, but, for one reason or another, I haven't gotten around to it. I feel it is important for me to write, both because I feel it is a notable part of my miscarriage experience, but also because I was terrified to have a D&C and I want to share my experience so that others who haven't had one will be able to read an account.
"The Procedure" is what the D&C has been referred to by nearly everyone in the medical profession that I've had to deal with both before and after the D&C. I suppose it does seem a little more gentle to say "the procedure" rather than to repeatedly say D&C. D&C is short for dilation and curettage, where the cervix is dilated and the doctor uses an instrument to scrape the uterine lining to remove fetal tissue. It's hard to say D&C without thinking about what it stands for, and about what happened during the surgery. So, here's the story of my D&C--I'll write a little about the appointments that led to the D&C in a separate post.
After our RE confirmed that my pregnancy was not viable, he talked with us about our options for having my body become unpregnant (this is my term, not his). I could wait for my body to miscarry, or we could schedule a D&C. I knew that my body could miscarry on its own. While this was the longest that I had been pregnant, and certainly this miscarriage would be different than my other 3, I was confident in my body's ability to resolve the situation on its own. The RE advised that a natural miscarriage could take a couple of weeks, and that it would probably be an intensely painful, drawn-out process. He encouraged us to consider the D&C not only because it would save me from having to endure the pain of a natural miscarriage, but also because it would provide the best opportunity to perform a karyotype of the baby's chromosomes. He felt this was important because it was my fourth miscarriage, and the results of the karyotype could provide more information about the cause of my pregnancy loss and how we could alter my treatment if a genetic cause for the miscarriage was not found.
John and I quickly decided to proceed with the D&C. The RE gave us two options--we could have the procedure done as outpatient surgery at the hospital, or we could elect to have the D&C performed at a small surgery center affiliated with the OB/GYN practice on the floor below his office. Since the surgery center seemed like it could have the whole thing taken care of more efficiently than the hospital (it would be quicker to get in and out), that is the option that we chose. I received several calls from staff at the surgery center letting me know what to expect, coordinated the surgery with my insurance company & the RE's office, filled out a ton of paperwork via email, and had the procedure scheduled for two days later.
As is common with most surgeries where general anesthesia is used, I was advised not to eat after midnight the night before the procedure. I have had severe nausea and vomiting each time I have had general anesthesia (knee surgery, wisdom teeth removal, colonoscopy, endoscopy), so I stayed up until midnight to eat and drink until the clock struck twelve. I watched tv, trying to keep my mind off things. I think I didn't want to go to sleep because I knew that it was the last night I would go to bed pregnant with my baby. I wanted to enjoy every last moment of having this baby inside of me. As so many pregnant women do, I held my hands to my stomach, nurturing that tiny body inside of me. I wanted to remember those last minutes of being pregnant. I didn't want to say goodbye.
I woke, emotionally numb, and we drove the 20 minutes to the surgery center. I signed some forms, paid my co-pay, and we were guided to a small waiting room. We sat there for a few minutes before a nurse came out to get me to prepare for the surgery. I followed the nurse, and was led to the bathroom to change into a gown, slippers, and a surgical cap. Once I had changed, the nurse let me to a recliner, and she covered me with warm, soft blankets. The nurse brought a clipboard with some paperwork, and asked me additional questions. When I told her that it was my fourth miscarriage, she looked genuinely sad, touched my hand, and said that she was so sorry for everything that I had been through, and that she was sorry that I had to be in their surgery center that day.
We finished up the questions, and I asked if it was okay if I listened to my ipod before, during, and after the procedure (my therapist had given me a CD by Belleruth Naparstek, which we had transferred to the ipod). They gave me the okay, so I configured the ipod so that the recording was ready to go. The nurse then went to get John so that he could sit with me before I went into the operating room.
Soon after John arrived, the anesthesiologist came to talk with us. We told him that I usually have a lot of trouble with nausea and vomiting after anesthesia, and he placed a patch on my neck that was supposed to help. He thoroughly described everything that would happen with the medication, and we discussed my asthma. He shared with us that his wife had had miscarriages, but that they went on to have two healthy children. Finally, our RE arrived, and he talked briefly to John and I, describing what would happen. He went to dress for surgery while John and I said our "I love you's."
The nurses walked me into the procedure room, and I got into position on the table. Again, they covered me with warm blankets. I got my ipod ready and put in my headphones. The anesthesiologist came in and told me that they would be putting some medication in my IV that would put me out for a little while. I was out within seconds.
The first thing I heard was the soothing voice of Belleruth. I can't remember what she was saying, but looking back, I think that having that CD playing during my first few moments of consciousness and throughout the first part of my recovery was one of the smartest things I did. Instead of waking to bright lights and confusion, I was gently brought back to the world with soft music and encouraging words.
As I woke, I was extremely emotional. I couldn't stop crying, and I was thanking everyone in sight for being so kind to me--the nurses, the anesthesiologist, the doctor. I immediately noticed that I didn't feel the overwhelming need to vomit--something I've always experienced following procedures requiring general anesthesia. The sweet nurses helped me to the recovery room and into another recliner. Shortly after, John was escorted back to see me. My RE came in just after he changed, and I apologized profusely that he had to perform the "procedure." I kept repeating "I'm sorry" over and over and over again.
The nurses came to check on how much pain I was having. I started experiencing some strong cramps, so they pumped some meds through my IV. I was very, very hungry, and asked for some Spr.ite and crackers. Apparently, eating an entire pack of peanut butter crackers and downing a can of sprite after not eating for 11 hours was not the smartest thing to do, because a few minutes later, I started having strong waves of nausea. They gave me some additional drugs to try to counter the nausea, and I lay there trying to feel well enough to dress myself and make the drive home.
On the other side of the curtain that separated us from the person next to us, John and I heard the nurses come in to do intake for the woman next to us. She too was there for a D&C. She too was in her 10th week of pregnancy. I wept for her.
Finally, I felt well enough to attempt to change out of the surgical gown, hat, and slippers. I stumbled to the bathroom and put on my clothes. John had my prescription and some instructions. They brought a wheelchair and pushed me to the parking lot, where John met us with the car.
I felt horrible on the way home. I clutched a plastic bag to my chest and prayed that we would be home soon. The road had never seemed bumpier. It was a very long 20 minutes. We arrived home, and I couldn't hold it back anymore. I began vomiting on the way up the walk to our house. At this very moment, a delivery guy pulled up with a beautiful arrangement of sunflowers and lilies, sent by some dear friends. I hurried into the house and headed directly for the bathroom. After a few more vomiting episodes, the nausea finally left me.
I collapsed into bed, and John brought the flower arrangement into our bedroom and placed it on the dresser at the foot of our bed. When I woke, I was grateful to see the bright yellows and oranges--something bright on this darkest of days.
I woke a few hours later, still very groggy and disoriented from the medication. I had a small bite to eat, which went over much better than my previous attempt. For the rest of the day, I rested, watched tv, and tried not to think about the day's events. My mom came to visit for a short while. How difficult it must be to see your child suffer, and to not be able to do anything to ease the pain.
My heart was broken. My body was sore. It was uncomfortable to sit down or get up, as well as to walk. I had some bleeding, but not as much as I expected.
That night, John and I tried to watch The Matrix. I say tried because we kept having to stop the movie every 5 minutes because of the horrible stomach ache that set in. Please skip to the next paragraph to avoid any yucky details. I started having the worst diarrhea pains. I would rush to the bathroom to sit there, my bowels screaming, my poor sore body just crying for relief. I would sit for several minutes, but nothing would come. Finally, this pain would subside, and I would make my way back to my comfy chair. Then, a few minutes later, the same thing would happen, and I would rush to the bathroom. This continued for a couple of hours, until I was crying, desperately wanting some relief. Finally, it was over, and I dragged myself to the bed. This was by far the worst part of the the whole day.
I was still very sore and pretty much out of it for the day after the procedure, which was a Friday. The bleeding slowed to slight spotting. John went back to work, and I spent the day along, watching tv, scanning the internet, and sleeping. By Saturday, I was physically feeling much better. I became obsessed with cleaning the house, and worked on this for pretty much the whole day, making sure to take plenty of breaks. Sunday, I continued to feel better. I still wasn't up for heading back to the office, so I stayed home on Monday, and spent most of the day sleeping.
On Tuesday, I went into work a little late, but started having some increased cramping and headed home early. I rested that afternoon with plans to go back to work. Wednesday, I woke feeling much worse. I was having a lot of sharp pain and cramping, and I was really uncomfortable. There were some pressing matters at work, so I went into the office. Walking became difficult, and I was almost doubled over in pain. I left work as soon as I could, and left to go home. That afternoon, the pain and cramping increased, and I called to let John know what was going on. I took some of the prescription painkillers that the doctor had prescribed, and waited for unconsciousness.
I think that on that Wednesday, 5 days after my D&C, my body finally figured out that I wasn't pregnant. I have no idea what labor is like, but I imagine that this was something similar. This was the worst pain that I have ever experienced. I think my body had to go through the motions before it could begin to heal itself. The bleeding increased, and I passed some largish clots--these seemed to correspond with the most intense cramping. I took the painkillers and was pretty much out of it from Wednesday to Friday. And then, Friday, it was over.
I have had some bleeding or spotting nearly every day since the D&C. There have only been 5 days since the procedure that I have had no spotting at all. This week, I had some strange soreness and pain in my pelvic region, and I've been having some cramping for the past few nights. I'm hoping that my body will be back on track soon, and that I'll have my first "period" within a week or so (I say "period" because this will probably not be a real period, but a bleed after an anovulatory "cycle"). Please let it come soon. I just want to feel normal again.
Nikole, that must have been so awful to go through. And it must have been almost as hard to write down. But it's good to get it out and to start slowly healing emotionally as well as physically.
I remember, after my miscarriage, just wanting everything that no longer belonged in to get out--as much as it broke my heart. I wanted the bleeding to stop, and as you said, I just wanted to feel "normal" again.
I'm sending you a sympathetic hug and the hope that things get back on track soon. Lingering in that "in between" state can really wear you down, so I hope your time there is up soon.
Posted by: Zee | July 20, 2006 at 11:37 PM
God, NIkole, your entry, it is a written reminder of my d&c - exact account - horrific. Im so sorry you went thru that. After my d&c, I wandered whether i should have left my body to miscarry naturally. i too had been warned it would be excruciating pain but what i endured was excruciating pain so who knows....i so hope that is the very last d&c you ever have. I also hope your body recovers soon & your psyche & the rest of you start to heal & heal well. Im thinking of you x
Posted by: Womb in waiting | July 21, 2006 at 04:22 AM
Nikole I'm so sorry that you had to endure that pain. I hope your body returns to normal soon. The most days I ever bled during/after a miscarriage was 24, and I remember being a bit freaked out and just wishing it would end. I hope it ends soon.
Posted by: Michelle | July 21, 2006 at 06:28 AM
Thanks for sharing this story, Nikole. You described everything so well. I am terribly sorry that you had to go through such physical and emotional pain. I understand the pain; as you know, my latest D&C experience was very similar. I wish that no woman had to deal with losing a baby, but I am thankful that those of us who have are not alone and can share our experiences and comfort one another.
Posted by: Jill | July 21, 2006 at 08:14 AM
Thank you for your account of "the procedure"... I was crying when I read it...as i am due for my first "procedure". It was probably good that i read it though, as now i know what to expect. I am very thankful that i found your blog. thank you.
Sending you hugs.
Posted by: Heather L. | July 21, 2006 at 08:21 AM
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I'm sure it resonates stongly with all of us who have go through the agony of a miscarriage. I'm so sorry that your D&C experience was so very awful.
Sending you lots of healing vibes.
Posted by: rockmamainwaiting | July 21, 2006 at 09:23 AM
Nikole-How I wish this had been different for you.
I have always wondered what it is like to be the partner of the person having the D&C. After 3, i know what to expect...but I always wonder what my husband is doing and thinking as he waits for the DR to come out and let him know it is OK.
I hope the spotting/bleeding ends soon. Wishing you all the best~~~~~
Posted by: stephanie | July 21, 2006 at 10:25 AM
My heart is breaking for you, Nikole - this "procedure" is painful on so many levels. I am so so SO sorry you had to go through that. And I hope with all my heart that you never have to experience that again.
Love to you.
Posted by: Serenity | July 21, 2006 at 12:55 PM
Dear, sweet Nikole -
I hope that in some way writing down your story helps you heal. I was crying throughout your story, and my heart goes out to you now. I am so sorry that you had to experience this.
I am sending you hugs, and good energy with the hope that you feel better soon, on every level.
Take care of yourself.
Posted by: Watson | July 21, 2006 at 04:01 PM
Dear Nikole, that was so sad, and brought back so much. I had those awful intestinal cramps too, on waking up from my second "procedure," and that was the worst -- I was lying there begging for them to let me get up to use the bathroom, but they insisted on my using a bedpan. I cried and whined until they had pity on me, probably an hour later -- and then nothing came. Just another little indignity heaped on to the general nightmare...
I've just caught up on your last posts -- I'm so sorry I've been out of touch so long. I hope things become clearer for you soon, and that you figure out what you want to do with work and school. It's so hard to process all that amidst the grief, isn't it? On the one hand grief gives you great clarity about what's important, but on the other it clouds your thinking... Anyway, I'm so glad your husband is there for you like that. It's so important.
Posted by: Kath | July 22, 2006 at 09:04 AM
Thanks for sharing. You are a very strong woman! I did not have a d&c but your experience was similiar to mine. All I can say is thank goodness for pain pills and a comfy bed. I'm glad that you are recovering well. I'm sure that having this blog helps you as well as others.
Posted by: Deborah | July 22, 2006 at 11:33 AM
Nikole,
You are so brave and kind to relive that again in order to benefit others. Thank you. I hope you never, ever have to go through it again.
Posted by: skm | July 22, 2006 at 12:22 PM
It's so graphically real Nikole. Thank you so much for sharing this intensely personl moment.
And this is exactly why I don't want to have it done. Yet, here I am almost 3 months post miscarriage, and my body is not cooperating on getting back to normal, so I wait for the doc to call me to schedule my "procedure". Joy.....
Posted by: Amber | July 22, 2006 at 04:25 PM
Yes, it is so hard to feel normal before that first period. I really hope you get to feel normal soon.
It is interesting to me how much docs differ on their opinions of "the procedure." The ER doc that informed me of my U/S results practically forbid me to have a D&C, giving a speech (practically a rant) on how much better it is for the body to handle m/c naturally. I know people, though, that were scheduled for D&C without even discussing the possibility of having a natural m/c.
Natural m/c at 10 weeks along was VERY painful for me, the worst pain I have ever experienced, and it dragged out over weeks. From reading your detailed account and some other blogs, I see that D&C also brings along plenty of pain. In my case, there was no embryo and it was my first, so karotyping was not an issue. But, "the procedure" seems necessary when you want some answers. I am so sorry you had to go through it, though.
Thank you for sharing all the gory details. When women actually talk about these things, others can actually get an idea of what to expect. When no one talks about these experiences, m/c is all the more terrifying.
Posted by: Sara | July 22, 2006 at 05:00 PM
The intestinal pain, and the pain a week after sounds very like what happened to me, although yours sounds worse. I'm so sorry you had such a tough time. I think sharing it is a great idea - prepare other people, get that pain out there.
When will you get your karyotype results?
Posted by: thalia | July 22, 2006 at 05:46 PM
Gosh, Nikole, I wept reading this entry. I've had 3 miscarriages, but never a D&C. I'm so sorry you had to endure that. Know what's interesting though -- I too became obsessed with cleaning my house after my miscarriages. Weird, huh?
Posted by: Amy | July 23, 2006 at 10:51 AM
Sigh. That brought it all back. A similar thing happened to me -- 5 days or so after the D&C was when I got the worst of the cramping. I don't think I had it as bad as you, though. I hate that any of us have to go through this.
Posted by: sube | August 04, 2006 at 12:15 AM
I'm so sorry that you had to go through this. I have to have a D&C combined with a laproscopy in a few weeks. I have never been pregnant but my uterus lining is too thick and I have to have a D&C. Thank you for explaining what you went through.
Posted by: baggage | August 27, 2006 at 08:20 PM
I just happened upon your site by accident and was compelled to read your blog. How sad and beautiful. I too had a D&C...mine was in November 2002 right before Thanksgiving. It was my first pregnancy and it was quite early in the pregnancy but I am convinced that the stage of your pregnancy does not necessarily determine the depth of your agony. I didn't handle it as well as some of my friends have. I was a mess. Your account of your D&C is absolutely the same as mine. and what a blessing it will be to some women who is terrified and going in for one to read something like what you wrote to somewhat prepare her.
It was all just the most painful thing I have ever ever gone through and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. so my heart and my prayers go out to you, my sister...stranger on the internet. I know this blog is old and my experience is 4 and a half years ago, but I am grateful to find this. You will provide healing for countless women with your candor.
God Bless!!!!
Posted by: Kelly | May 09, 2007 at 03:16 AM