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July 26, 2006



I am glad that you are getting some validation. Whatever you choose to call you little boy, he would have surely known endless love.


nikole- I was grateful with my last miscarriage to get an answer from the karyotyping. It was better for me to understand why we MC'd. Since it was 69XXY though, I could not think of it as a boy or a girl. It was both, or neither.

I hope these results give you a measure of peace. And that naming your boy helps you heal.


I cannot even begin to understand your pain. Just know that I am thinking of you and I am so very sorry that you have had to endure such loss.

Take care


Hi Nikole. I have dropped in a few times since reading of your loss on Babes in Blogland. Just wanted to pass on my sincere condolences for your loss, and I hope that these test results will bring you some degree of acceptance and peace.

Last week I lost my first baby, at 16 weeks pregnant, and we will never really know why it happened (as they don't do any testing the first time).

Thinking of you, and your baby boy.

Emily xx

Womb in waiting

Nikole (&John), Im so so sorry you lost your angel baby boy. When we lost our second baby, our rabbi (that sounds a little funny but anyway...) did tell me that according to judaism, a miscarry occurs when the soul is too sensitive to come to this lowly earthly plain...& yes i too have heard that children / people with downs & other disabilities have gifts & a specialness that cannot be named but are very real & so was your baby angel boy - special, gifted & too sensitive for this world. I dont know if thinking about it in this way can in any way comfort you but i hope it soothes you even slightly. i am thinking of you feeling validated, feeling confident that you could love your child with special needs & feeling acute loss too, im sending you so much love x


I'm so glad you've found some comfort in learning the baby's sex. It sounds like you've been doing some heavy thinking, and my heart goes out for you for it. Those are difficult questions to ask yourself. I think I told you this before, but I've always had dreams that I'll have a baby with Down. At first it freaked me out, but I'm totally at peace with it. Like Agness said, it would be a child with a gentle spirit. Not knowing is always a major part of a miscarriage. So, although the test results brought up some more feelings and questions, I sort of envy you — if that makes sense. I look forward to hearing about your little ceremony.


I'm glad you have some closure and have a solid reason for your loss. I did not have a D&C, and although we did try to test the tissue, they were unable to get any growth for the karyotype. (I learned later that there is another test, FISH--fluorescence in situ hybridization, that doesn't call for cell growth, but perhaps it's too expensive to use for routine miscarriage diagnosis.) Although I did not get any karyotype results, I researched miscarriage and found that studies on embryos lost during the first trimester, where the embryo is greater than 2 mm in length, showed that chromosomal abnormality is almost universally the cause. The leading abnormalities were Down Syndrom and Turner Syndrome. I felt much like you when I learned this, because I have known delightful people who have both of these syndromes. The birth of such a child would not have been a disappointment to me. I didn't feel I had "dodged a bullet". I felt like I had lost something very valuable. I've always thought of my baby, lost at 9 weeks, as a girl. I also somehow knew my son was a boy, and wasn't surprised when he was born a boy.


Thank you for daring to write about your fears of having a child with special needs. I, too, harbor those same fears. But this post has honestly helped me to relax regarding whether or not I have a child with special needs. My prayers go out for you, your husband, and your son.


I am sad that you never got to hold your son and raise him; he was so blessed to have a mother with such a loving heart. I'm glad that although you never got to meet your sweet little one that now you have the comfort of knowing more about baby that you carried and love so much.


Nikole - I'm just catching up on your posts. I'm glad that you have found peace with the knowledge of why you miscarried. I too was convinced my pregnancy was with a boy. The genetic testing came back inconclusive for me, but deep down inside I jsut knew. I too have the same fears about raising a child that might not be healthy, both physically and mentally. It's a tough challenge to have to go through as a parent. I can only imagine, and I see it with my husban's boss, who has twins where one is healthy and the other has Downs. It breakst my heart. You are so thoughtful and caring and have such a loving personality that I know you will be blessed with children and you'll be an amazing mother. You already are. Not only will your son always be alive in your heart, he will be alive in mine. I know you guys will plan a beautiful and moving ceremony.


Reading your thoughts really has really helped me in dealing with my infertility issues. I hope to be able to handle all of this with just a tiny ounce of the grace that radiates from you. Thank you so very much.

You, your husband, and your sweet angel boy are in my thoughts.


you and john are in my thoughts. i am glad you now have the knowledge that this was a little boy with Down's, so you can mourn him properly in that aspect. many many electronic hugs to you both.


It gives so much more clarity, and eventually closure, to know the gender and to know the basics of your miscarried child's genetic make-up. Although ours was 'normal', the experience has led us to talk about what we would do if we found out we were having a downs baby. Right now I think I would want to have that baby. Previously I would not have wanted that, but now I think that I would be able to love them and provide for them differently - but just as well - as I would a child with no disability.

I hope you are doing ok.


What a beautiful post. You have such amazing strength.

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