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July 23, 2006

Comments

Meri-ann

I asked this question a while back and got a really varied response.
I've told my boy, he kind of looked at it once but has never realy shown much interest- not sure if that is a good or bad thing. I've also been very selective about which friends I've told about it, and they are only friends who have suffered from loss or infertility. As for my family- no way. My mum would totally stalk me because she lives on the other side of the country, and I really don't want to censor what I write in case it upsets her, so better she doesn't even know! So most of my really good friends don't even know about it- which works for me for the time being!

Mel

My husband writes on my blog, so...of course...he knows. Family is a mixed bag. My siblings and parents know and they read it daily. They don't comment on the blog, but they email me directly. My husband's family knows about the blog because he's mentioned it, but they've never asked to read it. They never ask us any questions about IF. They like to pretend that it just isn't happening. They also change the subject if I bring it up (I am pretty open on the topic). Friends are the same way--some read it and others don't. I think the interesting thing has been speaking about the book I'm writing. Since I mentioned it, people have quietly come to me and whispered, "uh, I'm going through fertility treatments now." It's not my place to tell them how to lead their life, but there is a part of me that wants them to shout it and speak openly about it. I think if more people spoke about it, people would be more assertive with their own fertility/treatments. I certainly only knew the "right" questions to ask my doctor because I spoke to women (usually anonymous people on bulletin boards or through blogs) about their experience.

I'm curious to hear what other people say.

Suzanne

No one in my real life knows about my blog. I feel like if they did I would censor myself more. I started the blog because I needed some outlet to at least write down everything swirling in my head about what was going on. No one in my real life could truly understand since none of them had ever experienced infertility or miscarriage. I figured I'd just give it a go and see what happened. Turns out along the way, I've found great support from online pals who knew exactly what I was going through.

Michelle

No one in real life knows about my blog. It's too personal to share really. It's more of a theraputic thing for me than anything else. I can talk to my husband about everything that I post there, but I don't want to feel that I can't say anything because it might offend someone in real life.

Amber

No, my husband doesn't really know about it. He hardly knows what a blog is, but he knows I write alot on the computer and that it is my therapy through all of this all-too-real horror. And no one in my family knows at all. Why? Because this is my place to vent, which often includes posts about them. Same thing goes for friends. Although, I have recently shared it with friends who have also miscarried and/or are experiencing infertility.
For me, it's an escape to release the feelings that I cannot in daily life. It's not that I want to hide the feelings from them, but I can't stand the reaction, or lack there of, when I talk about it. So, this is a place for me to let it all out, so to speak.
Experiencing this miscarriage has really opened my eyes to my friends, who I thought were friends, and also connected me with others going through similar experiences. That is the best part.

Courtney Berry

Yeah, my whole family knows about my blogs, although I don't know how often they read my stuff. My husband reads them every now and then and my friends almost always read them and often comment as well.

Sami

Lets see yes husband does know about my blog. No he really doesn't read it, however has posted once to let everyone know how I was doing.

Some real life friends know, only one reads it.

No - my family does not read, and certainly not the in laws or I'd be going down down down.

As to the why's... only a few are interested, and why for my family - it'd make their heads explode. Okay it'd make my in laws heads explode.

Womb in waiting

HI Nikole, great questions....well my husband knows about it, loves that im venting & receiving support but feels he doesn't really need to access it - he sees it as my thing & i kinda like that. He has occasionally read it, which is fine by me but generally leaves it to me. As for friends & family - ive told a lot of friends I have a blog & have told them all about it but have not given the address & told them i need it to be anonymous & private so i am free to write exactly what i need to write. They have asked me for the address but i simply say, i need it to be totally anonymous & private. I do have a very close girlfriend who lives in another state in aust & i've given it to her only...i was sharing this with her all the time & then withdrew into my bomb shelter after this last miscarriage. Suddenly it felt even too hard to be talking to her about this stuff, so i felt it would be ok for her to read it, i dont mind that she has access to it but she is the only one & i trust her. Every now & then im tempted to give the address to another close friend but I stop myself. At that moment it may feel right but i really value the long term right & opportunity to be free to write whatever i choose....knowing my local friends can access it will ultimately mean i am at times censoring myself which i really dont want to be doing.....so i will continue to tell no one & the more i write, the more i appreciate i have not distributed my blog address. xx

theoneliner

My husband does know about my blog. He doesn't read it very often.

I did tell a friend and then she commented to a post "that I should just relax." That lovely comment got deleted. Not surprisingly, I did not tell anyone else.

I am considering "coming out" and telling a lot of our friends. I feel like we are living a lie sometimes. Kyle and Christina do not have everything.

And Mel's right-we should use this nightmare to educate people.

So, yes, my dear husband knows, friends do not, although I am rethinking the friends' part.

Shazz

My husband knows about it and has written on it a few times, its actually for my child if I am lucky enough to have one. I have a old journal that I was keeping until I lost our little girl this yr and that was for her.

My Family doesn't know about it as I'm not sure they could handle my feelings and some of the things I say.

My online friends know about my Blog, but not my other friends, not sure why maybe its a side of me I'm scared of them to see.

SaraS-P

My husband knows, but does not read it. He just asks that I don't paint him in an overly negative light!

My friends know, and some do read it. I enjoy being able to unload online so I don't have to corner people at lunch or share my feelings and situation with people who are around but are not close friends.

I have told no one in my family, and I hope they stay in the dark (especially since my blog was orginally started orginally as a dumping ground for vignettes about how bizarre my family is!).

moi

I see my blog as more of a diary, and only two people who know me know about it (both live at opposite ends of the country than myself). i find i have more liberty this way.

i imagine printing off all of my posts one day, binding them and then reading them on a sunny dock somewhere when I'm in my 80's. it's more a momento for me than anyone else.

KLH

My husband does not know about my blog. I have not told him about it because, he's a very private person and would be afraid that someone would find out it was about me or us. I’m also not sure he would understand why I feel the need to keep a blog about my miscarriage. He would also feel hurt that I may be keeping things from him and not sharing my feelings with him and him only. I hope to tell him someday, but just not yet.

My family does not know about my blog. For starters, my relationship with my parents is rather complicated and I’m not comfortable sharing my thoughts and feelings about the miscarriage (plus my life in general) with them. They are critical and judging people and I just don’t want them involved in my healing process. My other immediate family members did not even know I was pregnant, so telling them about my blog would be inappropriate. I probably will never share this with them.

My friends do not know about my blog either. Only my best friend knows I was pregnant. When I told her I had a miscarriage, she shared with me that she had one when she was 21. I was SHOCKED and we speak freely about our experiences, so my blog would only be repetitive. Plus in some ways, I’m not sure she would understand why I would want to share this with the cyber world. My other REALLY close friends (K and B) did not know that I was pregnant and since they all had “perfect” pregnancies, I just can’t handle the look on their faces. I’m not sure if I will share this blog with them in the future.

Watson

Hi Nikole,

My husband knows, but I think he forgot my URL and so, thankfully, doesn't read it. And I haven't told anyone else in my life about the blog. My friends would probably get a kick out of it, so at some point I might share it with some of them, but my family? Lordy McGordy have you seen the stuff I've written about them?!? It would NOT be a crowd pleaser.

I like the sense of being anonymous -- I think it allows me to write whatever I'm feeling in a much less censored way.

I also love the idea of this network of awesome bloggers that I feel a part of...such amazing women and so honest about sharing their stories, I feel very supported in this journey.

skm

Great question! My husband knows about my blog, but has never seen it. He's very new to computers, so I don't think he'd know how to find it. He hasn't asked, and I appreciate that he respects my privacy. Plus, I tell him everything anyway so he wouldn't be learning anything new.
The same goes for my family. They know my blog exists, but have not asked to see it. I have a few friends who read it. I think if I knew more people close to me were reading it I wouldn't be so honest.

Stacie

Just curious myself after reading your post and the responses... folks really seem to handle thier blogs in so many different ways... are you happy with the way that you handled letting folks know (or not know) about your blog? For me, I just appreciate so much reading it so that I can keep up with how you are doing without you having to repeat yourself over and over. But... I also do wonder at times whether you are able to be as open and free as you would be if you knew no one that was reading knew you in 'real life'. Does that make sense?

Amy

I think my husband knows it exists, but I haven't given him the address or anything. I doubt he'd read it anyway. My family does not know it exists, but not because I'm hiding it from them...just they don't really pay attention as far as I know. My friends do know it exists and they read it regularly.
I am comforted by the fact that many women don't tell their husbands about it :-). This was a good post.

Amy

I just started my blog at the beginning of this month and no one knows about it. I don't plan on telling anyone about it either. I see it more of a personal way for me to deal with what I'm going though-like a diary. I think my husband would think it was weird that I'm pouring out my feelings to total strangers over the internet. I don't think I would mind if people in my "real life" that have gone through IF read it, but I think I would be embarrassed if my other friends and family that are clueless about IF read it.

mandolyn

I have a blog that isn't dedicated to my fertility struggles, although I did write about my miscarriage a few months ago. I share the blog with one of my best friends and only our husbands know our true identities. It's mostly so that we keep our employment status, but also because for me, it's easier to be more candid and self-theraputic and exposed if I know that I have more control over who knows what in the "real" world of people that I come face to face with.

-m

Lisa

Great Questions! No one knows about my blog but me. I started blogging as my own personal therapy after months of "lurking." My family and W are pretty private people, and while my mom has encouraged me to visit chat rooms as a way to "meet" others dealing with the medical mysteries and emotions of miscarriage, I think my family (especially W) would be uncomfortable with the personal nature of my blog. So, I choose to keep it to myself. (Having said that, I'm new to blogging and I'm still getting used to opening up in the blogoshpere.) Maybe one day, I will let them read it, but not yet. For now, it's just a place for me. It's like when you go out to dinner or a movie with your girlfriends. No husbands allowed! And I kind of feel like all of you are my girlfriends, and when I'm online checking up on all of you, it's like girl's night out. Make sense?

Zee

Excellent question! Vikingboy doesn't know, and I don't think I'll tell him, particularly since there are times I need to vent about him. ;-) My family is not very Internet-savvy anyway, and most of them don't even know that we're trying, so I haven't told them either. Right now I've only told two real life friends (one is struggling with IF herself and the other has freqently talked me in off the ledge during this journey) but only one actually has the URL. I don't think I'll tell anyone else, as I do like the anonymity a lot.

Emily

My husband knows, and reads almost every post and every comment. Mine started as a weight-loss blog, and always knew and read, but it wasn't until the pregnancy and miscarriage that he got really into it.

No other real-life people know about it though, except one friend who found it accidentally through another blogger who she happened to know in real life. I don't think she has the link, but her friend has showed it to her once or twice at her place.

I decided not to tell originally, mainly because I was worried everyone would think I was a bit of a geek, but now its because its a personal thing that I feel weird about sharing with friends and family.

Serenity

J knows about the blog, but I'm almost certain he's never read it. Says it's too personal for him, like it's "reading my diary."

I have a couple close friends that also read the blog, but for the most part I keep my blog anonymous.

Perhaps if we get to a point of having a viable pregnancy I might share with my family. We'll see though.

soralis

My hubby knows I have a blog but doesn't read it. I have one friend who knows I have one but doesn't know what it's called. No one else knows about my blog so that I can say whatever I need to there.

Take care

Heather L

No one knows about my blog in real life. I like it that way, then i don't feel like i need to monitor what i say. I can say what i feel. My husband knows i have a blog, he just don't know my blog address and i hope he never figures it out... also, i will try to email you back later today hopefully. :)

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