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June 28, 2006

Comments

Momma Bee

I don't entirely know what to say, but had to say something. Maybe it's all of these things combined, but whatever the reason, it all just plain sucks, and I'm just so sorry. I can't think of any words worth saying, really, but please know that I'm thinking of you and sending enveloping, healing thoughts.

(((((((((hugs)))))))))

thalia

I feel stupid commenting as you've been through this more than I have, but it makes complete sense to me that you're having a bad day, a day worse than the one previous. It's just a down and not-quite-as-down kind of experience. It may also be that the hormones aren't helping you back to an even keel.

I just hope that this passes as well as it possibly can. We are all thinking of you.

Mandy

I've read your site for a few weeks now and wanted to thank you for it. It's a little reassuring to know that my feelings are valid, that others have felt them, too.

My story in a nutshell: My husband and I have been trying for a year now to get pregnant. My body refuses to have normal cycles, so we found our pretty early on that Provera and Clomid would become our friends. I lost my baby at 8wks and had a d&c about a month and a half ago. It's been the hardest thing I've ever experienced. I have better days and worse days. I'm not as strong as I always thought that I was. I feel really delicate lately, like the smallest thing can turn my day upside down and send me into sadness and anger. I hate that. I hate that it's harder to be happy.

I go to the doc in late July to start on the Provera/Clomid rollercoaster again and I'll try to think positive. I'll send good thoughts your way as well. Thanks again for sharing. Your words help more people than you imagine, I'm sure.

Alli

{{hugs}} I'm so sorry you are going through this stuff. You have expressed yourself in a way that I couldn't when I was in this position and I can totally relate.

Ella

I've been reading your blog for a few weeks. I actually just linked to you. Your words and strength is an inspiration, and you are allowed to let yourself break down. But you're strong - you will get through this. I don't know what to say other than I can hear the determination in your words and I know you'll come out of this with flying colors. It's ok to feel devastated at times and some days are harder than others. I think today is a full moon or something, so maybe there's a general sense of sadness in the air. But this day shall pass and this too shall pass. I'm thinking of you.

Watson

Nicole, I wish I had heard some words of wisdom at some point that I could share with you, that somehow might make you feel better and reassured that everything is going to be okay. But I know it's not that simple. When you want so badly to be pregnant, and you're not, nothing in life seems okay. All I can do is tell you that I'm one of many out here, reading your words and feeling for you, and sending you good thoughts in the hopes that in some small way, you feel comforted.

John

You're pretty awesome, you know.

sylvia

Grief is a bitch, but necessary nonetheless. Try not to rush yourself into a certain place. I wish so badly that you and your husband weren't in this place. It's so cruel . . . I think of you often and pray that y'all will get real answers soon, and that your days will get lighter.

Lisa

Nikole, I am so sorry to hear about your recent loss. I have been following your blog since I lost my second miscarriage in January (I believe around the time you began your blog). Your posts have been so very helpful to me, and inspired me to begin my first blog.

First, I am interested in the 25 questions you plan to take to your RE mentioned in an earlier post. Any chance you would like to share those with us? I, too, took a long list of questions with me and am interested in seeing if there is anything on your list of questions I may add for my next visit.

Second, I feel for you and understand the suffering you are experiencing. I had a very hard time recovering from my second lost pregnancy (D&C). I, too, found out through ultrasound there was no heartbeat. My hormones were wacko for weeks afterwards. I am a teacher, and the terror of having to return to a classroom full of students paralyzed me. I believe miscarriage is one thing that does not get easier the second, third, ... time, but much, much harder because one never lets herself believe that it could happen again.

My prayers are with you.

Serenity

*hug*

Wishing I knew you in real life to hold your hand, give you a huge hug, and let you cry on my shoulder.

My heart hurts for you.

skm

You have every right to feel down for a while. But, I think you're a very strong person and you and John are going to get through this together. We're all here for you.

Jill

I'm sorry that you're feeling so down. Grief is so exhausting; sometimes it feels like you are in a long, dark tunnel with no end and no light in sight, and the misery is only compounded by the crashing hormones and the lingering physical symptoms of a miscarriage. I have been there (five times), so I can relate, and I really feel for you. You are strong, though, and eventually the sun will peek out from behind the clouds again. In the meantime, you're in my prayers.

KLH

I'm sorry that you're having a difficult day. I can totally relate, as I still have my difficult days too. I wish I had something to say that would take the pain away, but just know that I'm thinking of you.

Vivien

dear Nikole, you are so kind and I am so grateful that you leave such kind comments on my blog. I don't suppose with my news I have been helping your mood at all.
If you could bring yourself to write those 25 questions, that would be great. I have a feeling my Dr will just admit to not having answers, but I would like to push him at least to LOOK for some.

sube

Yes. There are hopeless days. Too many of them. And for all the reasons you so eloquently stated. I wish I could take your pain away. I wish I could take all our pain away. Know that you're in my thoughts. Wow, that all just sounds so inadequate ...

Womb in waiting

Oh Nikole, Im sorry I didnt check in two days ago to respond to you immediately. Absolutely all you are feeling & facing & all that is right there in front of you I understand & tho' it feels dark & so so so sad & scary & hopeless it is the absolute appropriate response for what has happened & for where you are. I too have tried to re-engage with life, make new plans....it feels like you have to just in case, an insurance policy....but ofcourse all you want to be is pregnant, travelling into your last few days of your first trimester, being able to know you got there, passed the hugest insurmountable milestone....so ofcourse your sadness is heavy & constant & i too, like someone further up the page wish I were closer....id pop round with chocolate & flowers & say nothing just be with you (that is ofcourse if it felt ok for you)....so please know im (a virtual) visitor who brings chocolate & flowers & tenderness & just wants to support you thru this trauma x

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