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February 21, 2006


Momma Bee

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Do know that your feelings are very normal, but if you feel like they are all-consuming, please don't be afraid to ask for help. You can't always be there for everyone, though, and it's okay to just need what you need sometimes. Hoping for some good news for you soon...


I continued to be one of those people that had the energy and will to help others through all my miscarriages. An over-achiever in helping if you will!

But after yet another early chemical last Nov, I came to a grinding halt. I don't want to help anyone, I don't want to talk to anyone, I don't want to hear one more problem. I feel so miserable I would almost kick the dog - but he is too little and cute...

I don't care, I don't want to care - and lately, it's all about me. Sad, but then all that helping did nothing to help me, so there you go...


What you're feeling is so completely understandable and justified. The pregnancy loss is enough to consume your life with grief, frustration, and anger, but now that you are undergoing all sorts of fertility assessments, how can you not become all-consumed by all things pregnancy-related?

Also, I read a few of your previous posts about your RE and I agree with you: this guy sounds awful and you might want to consider someone else. A respectful and considerate RE and staff make a huge difference when you're going through fertility treatments.

Take good care of yourself.

One Half

The things that are racing through your brain are exactly the same things that are on my mind (at the moment) 24/7. I can't concentrate on work, I want to be home and educate myself and do research, I don't want to call or speak with anybody and I feel generally paralyzed. I can't make decisions about anything any more....

But, then again, I know that I have to go through this time to come out of it and and be "better". I am grieving fertility, I am still grieving so much that we never can make a baby by ourselves....

I hope it's Ok that I list you blog on my linklist...want to stay in touch with you (since we are also just starting on the ART road).

Take care!



Dear Nikole, what you write is sadly familiar. I have spent so much of the past two years hiding from people, neglecting my friends, orbiting around my miscarriages, feeling desperately out of sync with the world. I think it's a normal -- or maybe "natural" is a better word here -- response to a very, very difficult situation. You say others seem to handle their crises better. I'm sure some of my acquaintances would say I'm handling things extremely well, though they'd be mistaken. Miscarriages are so hard, and they touch on so many central things (our protective instinct, our maternal instinct, our view of ourselves, our wish for a family, our trust in our bodies, our faith in the world, and our hopes for the future) that they can wreak terrible havoc, which ripple effects through our entire beings. So healing, when it comes, can't really happen in a straight line. All I can tell you is, you have come a long way already. Be proud of yourself for that, and don't expect too much of yourself. And if it gets too much, I agree that you shouldn't be afraid to seek help. It does help to talk.


Hi, I just came across your blog and first I want to start by telling you that I'm so sorry for your losses.

Second, I want you to know that you're not alone and that your feelings are so common. I had 2 miscarriages in 2001 and there still isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about it. It doesn't have me crying every second of the day, but it will always be in the back of my mind and in my heart.

I remember feelin the exact same way. I was mad, I was devastated and most of all I was ticked off that nobody around me seemed to understand what I was going through. I was faced with the daily "it was for the best"...."it wasn't mean to be", which only made me more furious. I remember sitting back and thinking "screw it all, I know what's best for me and this certainly wasn't". But I know that I was just going through the whole grieving process. I was scared to death of getting pregnant again, but all I thought about was having another baby. I finally had to stop myself from thinking that way. I went out and got myself a necklace with the birthstones for my angel babies and I stopped obsessing about having another one. I finally got pregnant a year after my last miscarriage and though I didn't enjoy the pregnancy (every minute of every day was a struggle worrying that something would go wrong), I went on to give birth to a beautiful baby boy in 2003.

Sorry this was so long, just wanted you to know that it will all be ok, just allow yourself the time to grieve your loss and know there's a LOT of us out here who know how it feels. Feel free to email me if you ever want to vent or talk.
God Bless, will keep you in my prayers.

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