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January 17, 2006



I miscarried starting in December 22, 2006 and ending January 7, 2007. This month, (august) has been too rough for me, I would have been a new mom and married this month. But it is all gone. A few weeks after I finally finished miscarrying, my fiance walked out. The immense lonliness I felt is still lingering in my heart. I never have been through anything this painful in my life, ever. I had vivid nightmares, emotional nightmares, no one to talk to about them. They went away for a while, for a few months, but now they are coming back. I guess I was so unable to cope while the miscarriage was happening, I pushed it away and now it is surfacing. Just Peachy. This is something that reading isn't making any better. Talking does to a degree. I can't get rid of the deep rooted hurt and emptiness I feel. I see pregnant ladies and I want to cry...I do, but I'm in public, so I hide it. I can't imagine ever getting through this at this point. When does it get better? My ex fiance is now able to be there for me, and I listen to him as well. Since we live in worlds apart right now, we get to talk only not nearly as much as I would desperately need to to feel able to move on.I'm sorry for being such a downer. To have a family was a dream. I saw it becoming a reality, and lost virtually everything. It's just too much. How am I to find a way to heal, when right now I can't even imagine healing?

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