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August 13, 2006

Comments

oneliner

Such a sad day. I couldn't go back there,either. And why did they need you to decide right there...on the spot..seconds after you received such devastating news...i mean, really?
Do they not realize that you were in shock. was the scheduling that important?
I'm so, so, sorry that you had to go thru such a loss of such a precious little boy. What a reminder that this is an awful universe sometimes.

soralis

I am so sorry that you had to go through all that. I can't belive the OB never came and saw you either.

Take care

soralis

I am so sorry that you had to go through all that. I can't believe the OB never came and saw you either.

Take care

Womb in waiting

Oh Nikole, your story made me cry for you & John & for lucas too. The story of my second miscarriage was exactly that story except we were at 9 weeks & the baby measured at 8 wks & 2 days, so a week earlier. I know that pain of seeing no hearetbeat, & the staff being strange & it all feeling like a dark nightmare....it is awful...I so hope you never have to go thru that ever again....you have experienced enough loss, more than enough, if only our universe worked in that fair way....im thinking of you & sending you loads of love me xx

skm

Nikole I'm so sorry you and John had to deal with those people. I think folks in the medical field need to have sensitivity training once a year or something. My friend used a midwife/doc combo recently. Want me to find out who it was? Perhaps there's another option.

MoMo

Nikole....I am so sorry you had to go thru all this...my heart was breaking reading your story. Thinking of you.

Jill

Oh, Nikole, I'm so sorry that you had to experience this nightmare. I wish with all my heart that things could have been different for you. It's such a heartbreak to see only stillness on an ultrasound screen where you previously had seen your baby's heartbeat. It's devastating.

stephanie

Nikole-What an awful day, I am so sorry you ever had to experience that. It is great the nurse reminded you about the pictures. I did not get any after my first miscarriage, and I really regret that.

mandolyn

I am truly sorry.

My husband and I were in separate cars the day we found out, too. I'm still not sure how I drove home in one piece.

I don't understand how non-compassionate people end up with the jobs that they do. It really makes all the difference when you deal with someone who sincerely cares. Do they not offer Compassion and/or Empathy 101 in med school? Why does that have to be hard?

Alli

I'm so sorry you and your husband had to go through that. I cried as I was reading that post because it so perfectly describes the confusion and incredulity that goes through your mind when it's happening. I can relate. {{hugs}}

Ornery

Thank you for having the courage to share such a painful memory with all of us. Like Stephanie, I'm very glad that you got your ultrasound photos. I refused to take mine and regret it to this day. I so wish I was there to give you a hug, to cry, to grieve together.

Ella

This must have been so hard for you to write and so painful to share, yet also very cathartic. You really capture the moment through your writing so honestly and perfectly. A lot of us can sadly relate to this. I really hope the worst is behind you and that soon you are on your way to building the family you so deserve. I also hope you find a new doctor that you are comfortable with. You should'nt have to go through such unsympathetic medical care.

Kath

Dear Nikole, thank you for sharing this.

It's so, so sad.

SaraS-P

I am so sorry that the news was delivered so poorly. I think medical staff so often messes that part up because they feel awkward delivering bad news. So, they avoid the patient or become cold and detached or just rude. It makes the experience so much more painful. You have had enough pain. I hope that your future care, whoever it may be with, is much better. You deserve it.

sube

Sigh. The pain doesn't ever really go away, does it? Sending you a big hug.

Jennifer

I'm so sorry Nikole. I totally get the annoyance with insensitive doctors. With our first miscarriage the ER doctor decided to tell me I had a missed miscarriage while I was on a gurney in the hall. While he was a good twenty feet away. Basically shouting it at us.

But I am glad John got the pictures for you. I only got u/s pictures with the first miscarriage since it was the only time we got to 12 weeks. The husband thinks it's weird I keep them but with the recurrent miscarriage issue they may be the last baby pictures I ever get.

Keep getting all your anger, frustration, and sadness out. It helps your sanity. And I've got my fingers crossed for the both of us come September.

Emily

Oh Nikole, I'm so sorry this happened to you, life is just not fair is it?

Thank you for sharing your story, I hope it has helped you in some small way by writing it down and getting support from your online friends.

Take care,
Emily

Ersza

This is exactly the story of my miscarriage. Strong heartbeat at six weeks. Went into ten week appointment with no signs or symptoms that anything was wrong. My doctor tried to hear the heartbeat, but couldn't. "Probably because your uterus is retroverted." Waited an uncomfortably long time for the u/s machine to arrive and get warmed up. Became increasingly anxious. As soon as she put the wand in, I could see that the baby was dead and there was not enough amniotic fluid. Nine weeks.

Here it changes. My doctor waited while I dressed, then embraced me for a long time. She gave me tissues, and then left me to cry with my husband. She came back again, and offered to send me to the radiology lab for a better ultrasound. I knew I didn't need it to be sure, so I refused. Then she counseled me that a natural miscarriage would be safer for me since she doesn't like recommending invasive surgical procedures unless they are necessary. However, if I wanted a D&C, here are phone numbers, they are done on Tuesdays and Thursdays, yadda yadda. After the doc was done talking to me (and she was SO kind) a different nurse came in to give me a shot of rhogam. I got a long hug from her while she told me that she had been "in my chair" twice. I received much sympathy and kindness on my way out. I am forever grateful.

I am so sorry this is not the experience you had. I would definitely not go back to that office for any further care. I do believe the nurse practitioner abandoned you. Most certainly with her experience she quickly figured out your baby had passed, but she should have invested the time to see things through with you, not run off to do whatever. My doc told me they get about three miscarriages a week, there, so I think they so sometimes forget that it's not "routine" for the woman who is suffering one. I know it's late, and it's not the same, but I am sending you a huge, long, hard hug that you needed that day and didn't get. I cried and cried, probably for about 24 hours straight. So sad.

agness

I'm so sorry Nikole. I cried for you, your DH and your baby as I read your post. Thank you for sharing it.

It reminds me of my first two pregnancies, though I'm sure it was worse. Especially my first one, everything was supposed to be okay now (after infertility), I felt soooo pregnant, my body wasn't going to let go.

But you had that added encouragement of the heartbeat -- but that was your little angel baby and you got to witness his life even that much more. I know you are probably aching about it, I see the sadness in your posts but admire your optimism as well. I think of you often.

((hugs))

N

Thank you for sharing this horrible story with us. I am so so sorry that you had to go through this and hope you never ever have to again.

When looking at myself - the woman that for the heck of it can'g get pregnant, I can only say that I am so gald that I didn't have to go through this horrible experience. You are so strong!

Hugs over the ocean!

/N

Amber

I am so sorry Nikole, that you had to go through all that you did. It simple stinks. I wish your experience would have been less painful. Heck, I wish it wouldn't have happened at all, but if it had to, I wish it would have been somehow less painful.
My thoughts are continuously with you.
Hugs,
Amber

Serenity

I have no words to describe how very sorry I am that you had that appointment. Your story made me cry for you, John, and Lucas.

Much love to you, Nikole.

Zee

I'm so sorry, Nikole. So hopeful and then all of a sudden so devastated. There may be a feeling worse than that, but I can't think of it now.

Momma Bee

Just wanted to let you know that I've been thinking about you, and sending healing thoughts. *hugs*

Sunny

Hearing your story totally sounds like mine. I felt like I was swimming and underwater. It was painfully slow. I can't get the imagine of our baby, the first image of our alive baby with a heart beat or any of it out of my mind.

I am so sorry you had to go through this.

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